we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
