soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
