no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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