why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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