I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
