Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
