i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
