but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
