are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
