i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
