YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
