Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
