i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
