So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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