Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
