Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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