i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
