Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
