drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
