considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
