i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
