hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
