Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
