it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
