Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
