so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
