it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
