Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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