Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
