a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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