You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
