Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
