Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
