I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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