dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
