I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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