I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
