now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
