Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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