I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
