farters have to be the big spoon...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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