thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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