YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
