More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
no, he came in my armpit
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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