I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
