bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
