We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
