if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
