I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
