You really coming over, don't trick.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
