I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
